I almost titled this "Sh*t I Don't Want to Talk About".
I've never, ever, told a single soul on this planet that I've used poetry throughout my life to articulate my thoughts and feelings. Not my friends. Not my parents. Not a doctor or therapist or teacher. It's always been something just for me, something that was an extension of my passion for writing but a way to approach how I felt from another angle. Poetry is beautiful to me for its lack of rules, lack of confines and restraints. It comes in so many forms, but my favorites are short snippets that seem to wrap up so much in so little. I've always been drawn to poetry (one of my favorite books is White Oleander by Janet Fitch, a seemingly 446 page long poem), and hints of that can be seen in my style of writing. The last few paragraphs of my CNN iReport start to slip into "poetry territory", for example.
My poems are not long, and because of this, I never felt motivated to share them with anyone. Most are less than 10 words long, in fact. I felt inadequate- a half-assed poet who couldn't take the time to write something more in-depth. But I recently stumbled upon the work of Rupi Kaur, who just published her first book 20 years in the making titled Milk and Honey. I was immediately drawn to her poems for their length and surface-deep simplicity that runs so much deeper than first glance would suggest. I saw a bit of my own poems in hers, and connected with her story of using words and writing to deal with traumas, depression, and life's trials and tribulations. I realized how much of a difference reading her poems and forging that connection made in me and my perspective of my writing, and knew that I had to share my own poems, if not for someone else, but for my own sake.
These poems are old as my bones. Most of them hail from my hospitalization and recovery after. Some are from before I was even being treated for my eating disorder. I tried to arrange them in a vaguely chronological order, and it was fascinating for me to see the story start to organically formulate as I put them together. But sadly, the upload slurried them up and now they stand only as moments in time. If you know me or my story well, you might be able to tie them to memories or periods in my life. I hope you enjoy.
Click to enlarge.